This Book Is Giving Me All The Feels

To be totally honest, I absolutely can not stand the “all the feels” expression, but since it’s used so commonly now and seems to get a reaction out of people, I figured why not?

I just started reading Glennon Doyle Melton’s first book, “Carry On, Warrior” and it is making me very emotional. I know a lot of people have been fans of hers for a while, but I’d never heard of her until recently.

She’s about to release her second book about how she and her husband overcame infidelity… But a few weeks ago she announced that they’re actually getting divorced. The book is called “Love Warrior” and it’s apparently all about how they managed to save their marriage… Only now that it’s published and set to be released, their marriage actually isn’t saved. When someone shared her post I just happened to click on it and her writing and her story sucked me in.

So here I am, reading her first book which was written before she learned about whatever was going on with her husband.

She is a recovering bulimic, drug addict, alcoholic… As I read the beginning of the book, about why she believes she was so broken from a young age, I totally related to it. She felt awkward, different, judged, confused… She said she has great parents and did not have any childhood trauma, so she’s not really sure why she ended up such a mess, but it just happens to some people.

As I read and thought about my life and my past, and my truths that I keep to myself, or the things that very few people know about me, I wished that I had the ability to put it all out there like she does. I told myself, hell no – you can never do that! People would be shocked! They would judge you so hard! It would just look like you’re doing it for attention. You could lose your job. People might think you’re an unfit mother…

Then I was totally blown away when I flipped the page and there it was… she says “if you write, you should write.” I don’t have it in front of me to copy word for word, but it was as if she knew exactly what I was saying to myself as I made my way through the first part of the book. She said even if we’re not the best writers, we should write. Just bizarre how I was thinking about how I could never write the way I used to again and she’s like “oh no, you can and you should!” I used to put it all out there – and yes some people did judge me for it.. and there were times I said things I should not have said because it hurt other people…

And that’s another thing that is so beautiful about what she does. She writes in such a way that she’s open about herself but she doesn’t throw anyone else under the bus. Shit, her husband cheated on her and she wrote a book about it and I’m pretty sure she did it in such a way that she’s not just calling him the biggest jerkface on the planet and leaving it at that.

Anyway, I have been torn between trying to convince myself that at this point in my life I have it together, while at the same time there are things I just totally long for every day that I haven’t managed to figure out… I try really hard to focus on positive and not be negative, not complain, be grateful for where I am and what I have, but there’s still something nagging at me that won’t go away. I also don’t let myself get emotional about anything, good or bad. I get pissed off and lose my cool, but other than that… I totally keep it all inside.

I guess we are all just a work in progress…

More later.

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