It hurts. Whine. Really, it hurts.
Every day, all day, constantly, no matter what I am doing, I have this pain.
I haven’t talked about it with too many people. Of course Rick has heard me complain about it for years, literally, and I’ve told my BFF about it here and there. But mostly I’ve just been suffering in silence because really, who wants to listen to/read about someone’s aches and pains day in and day out?
I suppose I could have just vaguebooked it and been like “PLEASE EVERYONE PRAY FOR ME!!! SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!” and left it at that. Or I could have woken up every day and put some woe-is-me status out there for everyone to roll their eyes at. But I didn’t. I just annoy people in other ways on social media, ha.
Anyway, I’ve finally reached the point where I have to push through this and get answers. It’s not that I haven’t tried, this is the 4th doctor I’ve been to, and I think I’m finally going to get to the bottom of it. I have hope at this point anyway.
The pain is under my left rib cage. The entire left side of my ribs, around to my mid back, and that whole section of my body is constantly sore. Sometimes the pain is really intense, like sharp and burning, other times it’s just a dull ache. It feels bruised. It’s my bones and muscles and whatever is inside too. There’s actually like an indent in my skin where it hurts. Not like a lump, but just a weird mark. Hard to explain, and the doctor couldn’t really see it, but I know it’s there.
I tried food eliminations. No dairy for a month. Stopped drinking coffee for a while. Didn’t help. For a while I thought it was just my back out of alignmnet, but I’ve seen two amazing chiropractors who did everything they could to fix me, and I’m still not fixed.
If you remember, I started going to the gym and lost 10lbs and stuck with it for about 4 months last year… But I was still in pain. I would run and the pain would flare up. I got lazy again and now it hurts so bad all the time I am afraid to hurt myself even more.
It’s gotten to the point where I am tired all the time and I don’t want to do anything. I’ve always been a little on the lazy side but I wake up feeling hungover every day. I have to believe this fatigue and crappy feeling is related to the pain somehow. I constantly have anxiety about it… what if it’s a tumor… what if I have liver disease… what if my kidney is failing… what if I have pancreatitis…
It’s amazing how when our kids get a sniffle or a little bump on the head we rush them to the doctor or the hospital to be safe… But I’ve had this nagging pain for over 5 years and I haven’t really felt like making it a priority.
I’ve had blood work done, I have high calcium. That is not normal, but I don’t seem to have any of the usual ailments that cause high calcium. It’s not very common. Something has to be causing it, just don’t know what it is.
I had an ultrasound of my gallbladdar and a HIDA scan (test for gallbladdar function) a few years ago – before I was even pregnant with Rocco – and they came back normal.
Had the test for ulcers done, normal.
I didn’t have insurance for a while so doing anything during that time was just not possible…
Now I’ve been working for a year and a half and about 8 months ago I started going to a chiropractor again and found a primary care doctor. This chiro thought the pain was due to my diaphragm being strained somehow… and radiating the pain to my back, but that doesn’t explain the high calcium or the “internal” pain or any of the other unpleasant symptoms I’ve been dealing with.
So… Today I finally got in to see the specialist. I like her. She listened to me and took me seriously. When she examimed me and touched my ribs and stomach and I flinched she said, “wow you really do have pain there!” No sh*t Sherlock that is why I’m here!
Friday I have a CT scan of my pelvis and abdomen. If that looks normal the next step is an endoscopy. I absolutely hate the idea of something being shoved down my throat, but I have to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
Fear… probably another reason why I’ve put this off. Needles, drinking yucky test liquids, fasting, worrying about the results… Not fun. It’s been easier to be uncomfortable I guess.
So why am I writing about this for anyone to read?
I’ve been told for a while now that I need to get back to doing the things I used to do… writing… video blogs… I’ve wanted to fix this website forever, I constantly feel like I want to do stuff but honestly, this nagging pain has slowed me down. I haven’t been able to focus on much else. I am ready for a nap every day when it’s time to come to work, I motivate through that and then I’m just done. Every night I drive home thinking “I’m going to get up tomorrow morning and…” and then I end up laying on the couch watching TV or tooling around on Facebook all day. Not good. I think it’s made me depressed.
I do need to get back to writing every day. Even if I don’t write something hilarious or earth-shattering, I still need to write. So I’m going to write about this, and even if it’s boring and nobody reads it, I’m doing what I think I need to do. I’m going to post videos about it too, you can follow my YouTube account.
That’s all I got for now… Thanks for reading.
PS – Don’t all go starting a ‘Go Fund Me’ for me yet, we gotta figure out what’s wrong with me and concoct a sob story that will generate the most sympathy 😉