I need a personal stenographer.
This is a thought that has run through my mind countless times over the last couple of years. Usually it hits me when I’m driving, right after I think of an idea for a blog post, or have a random funny thought that will be long gone by the time I can get it written down.
This morning I actually had a few hours to myself with nothing to do. I’m in Florida, on vacation from my full time job. I finished my voicetracked show for the day. Kyla is still in DC with her dad. Rocco went to the child care center down here for a few hours. Rick is at the hospital visiting his dad who is hopefully coming home tomorrow.
I’m here at his parents house, just changed over the laundry, and I thought wow… I literally have nothing to do right now… I should write a blog post!
Then I sat here with nothing to say.
I feel like every day I come up with something I want to write about… and now that I finally have time to sit here and write… NOTHING.
See, I need someone to sit in the car with me for my 90 minute commute to work every afternoon and write down my thoughts. I can’t be the only writer who seems to come up with the most brilliant things while sitting behind the wheel!
I miss writing. I miss it a lot. I miss the satisfaction I get from knowing I just wrote something pretty hilarious and then I get all excited when I see it was shared and the hits start going up… It’s like a high. I’m a dork, but it’s true!
One of the big reasons I think I’ve been afraid to write lately is these days we have to be so freaking careful not to offend anyone. Even something as innocent as a post about leggings not being pants can set someone off. Seriously, after I wrote that post last year I had some girl message me about how I probably think it’s a woman’s fault when she gets raped. Yes, making a statement about how leggings should and should not be worn equals I think women who are raped asked for it because they wore leggings as pants. Or something. I really don’t know why we have to turn a simple post about how people wear leggings into a statement about feminism and rape culture, but that’s just the way it is in 2015. And it’ll probably only get worse in 2016.
Now, I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing that we’ve all become more sensitive to other human beings… It’s really great that we’ve stopped using the word “retarded” and that it’s no longer acceptable to “fat-shame” people.
But now we’ve gone to the other extreme. I can’t even make fun of chicks growing out their armpit hair without having someone call me an anti-feminist. Armpit hair on women is gross! Sorry, but it is. If you think it’s hot, by all means grow it out and braid it, dye it, post it on Instagram, put it in a bun, put extensions in it, and twirl it when you’re sitting in class bored… but nobody will ever convince me that armpit hair on a female is even remotely attractive. I never once felt pressured to shave my armpits. My daughter shaves her armpits and her legs now. Nobody told her she had to. She was ready, she doesn’t want to be a hairy girl, so she shaves them, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with growing your girly armpit hair out either, if you want to, but I still think it’s nasty. Why can’t we just agree to disagree instead of making it into an issue? I like broccoli, you may hate it, it is what it is and we can just get along without you broccoli-shaming me, right?
Another reason why I have a hard time blogging sometimes… People judge my entire life based on what I post on this blog. A lot of times I post when I’m fired up about something or when I think something is funny and worthy of being made fun of. This causes some people to assume that I must just be a really angry miserable person with nothing better to do than share negative thoughts and sentiments on the internet… Nah. I have a sweet career, 2 smart healthy kids, a hot boyfriend, I really don’t have anything to be “unhappy” about. Most of the time I laugh off the crap that bugs me in life and writing about it is therapeutic. And I’ve been told I’m entertaining when I go off so why not share my gift of bitch with the world?
And one more reason why I find blogging to be more of a challenge now… I used to put it ALL out there… With little regard for who I might hurt or how it might make me look. Now I see people airing their crazy dirty laundry on Facebook and I think “oh jeez, I used to do that!” We live, we learn. Plus, there really isn’t any drama in my day to day life anymore so if you think this means now I just hide it, it doesn’t. Really, we aren’t perfect, nobody is, but things are just good… and I think we will actually have some very exciting news to share soon.
Guilt. Speaking of not over-sharing anymore, here’s something I will admit to… I feel guilty right now because my kids have not seen each other in over a month and I’ve spent a lot of time by myself recently. I won’t even get into the logistics and why, it’s really nothing more than what’s worked best for our family lately, but sometimes being a working mom in a co-parenting situation is not easy. Actually, it’s more like sometimes it’s too easy, as in I haven’t had to deal with my kids all that much lately because they’ve been with their dads! Thankfully – and this is something I have always been grateful for – my kids have amazing dads who are more than capable of handling them on their own. And we all get along with each other which is something I can’t say for a lot of complex family situations… That’s another blog post for another day though. Hopefully the stenographer will be around when I start writing it in my head later!
Anyway, Rick and I are taking Rocco to Disney World tomorrow and even though Kyla has been there so many times I’ve lost count, I feel bad she’s not coming with us. She has school until Wednesday so it didn’t make sense for her to come down here with us and miss an entire week. We moved her up to a higher level math class and she’s been struggling a little so it wouldn’t have been right to set her back on her school work.
She has absolutely no feeling of resentment or disappointment about this situation whatsoever, at least none that she’s ever expressed. She’s done more cool stuff in her 11 years of life than many adults do in a lifetime, and she’d probably be bored sitting through the shows at the Magic Kingdom anyway, but still… taking one kid to Disney and not the other just doesn’t feel right!
OK I should get up and change over the laundry and take a shower considering it’s already after noon! We are celebrating Christmas down here on Wednesday morning since we head back to DC on Christmas Eve morning so we have to do some shopping today. After traveling for Christmas the last couple of years I decided this year we are waking up in our own house with presents under our own tree (which will be put up when we get back, hopefully… yeah) instead of trying to figure out how to transport gifts or do things on an alternate day.