It’s official – Ashton Kutcher is going to be the other man on Two and a Half Men. 

Ashton seemed to be excited, so he released a statement (shocking I know). 

“I can’t wait to get to work with this ridiculously talented 2.5 team and I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in viewers’ homes,” Kutcher said in a statement released to Access Hollywood by CBS. “I can’t replace Charlie Sheen but I’m going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people!”

Chuck Lorre – you remember the guy that Charlie Sheen believes to be a spawn of Satan or something along those lines – is looking forward to it too.  Yes, he also released a statement.

“We are so lucky to have someone as talented, joyful and just plain remarkable as Ashton joining our family,” Chuck Lorre, “Two and a Half Men’s” creator and executive producer said of Ashton joining the show. “Added to that is the deep sigh of relief knowing that our family stays together. If I was any happier, it’d be illegal.”

On the other hand, Charlie Sheen is not too happy about all of this going on without him.  Wasn’t Two and a Half Men supposed to fail without him on it?  Wasn’t it supposed to be down a man?  Wasn’t the universe supposed to continue to revolve around Charlie Sheen being fired for being an ass?  Something tells me that no matter what the show is going to be all right at first no matter what – we all want to see how Charlie will be written out and Ashton will be written in!  I hope that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore don’t end up like Charlie Sheen and his wives!

Oh wait.  Charlie released a statement too.

“Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer,” he said. “Oh wait, so am I!!”  And there was also some advice offered for the mortal enemyof Charlie Sheen, Chuck Lorre,  to Ashton Kutcher: “Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there.”

Seriously Charlie.  Just let go and leave it be.  I don’t think many people care anymore, and by people I mean me.  Let’s just have Ashton start this thing up and roll with it so the fall will be funnier than before.

I’m going to go and release a statement now.  Wait.  I just did.

Hugh Grant is weighing his options now to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men.  I guess that Hugh probably got bored in the UK and decided to come to the US and act on the small screen.

Of course nothing is being confirmed, or denied for that matter.  But it is clear that Hugh will not be paid $1 million an episode, which will save Warner Bros. and CBS a boat load of cash from Charlie Sheen’s $1 million per episode pay.

The real question in all of this is how can I make $1 million a week?  Charlie Sheen did it by being himself, Hugh Grant – well – he’s hot, but me?  I just talk and type. haha

Cyndi Lauper attempted to perform on CBS’s The Early Show this morning but it didn’t go so well… there were a lot of technical problems and she finally refused to finish performing and walked off stage!  Way to make a comeback!

Photos: Splash News Online