A Jumbled Hot Mess Before the Snowstorm

That was our Saturday morning selfie before we ventured out to…

I can not even remember.

Oh, that’s right, we went to Old Navy to get Kyla a new wardrobe. She has been growing so insanely fast I feel like all I do is take her shopping and next thing I know she has nothing to wear… and it’s not the typical girl “nothing to wear” nonsense, her clothes are really getting too small in a matter of months. Sometimes, weeks.

We have done the Justice thing for quite a few years now but I’m over that place. I’m sure we’ll still pick up a few things, but the quality is terrible and most of the stuff is just plain tacky. Shirts pill and fade and fall apart after they’ve been washed a few times… and more aggravating than the shirts – the jeans that wear out in the butt… threads in the seams rip… And they are $48 a piece!!  Granted they have their whole J-Bucks or 40% off EVERYTHING gimmick sales, but still, $25 for a pair of girls jeans that fall apart after 2 washes – I don’t think so.

So we went to Old Navy and she got a ton of stuff for $200 courtesy of her dad. He buys, I take her to the store. Works for me!

I know Old Navy isn’t top quality and some of their stuff wears out quick too but at the rate she’s growing, it’s perfect.

We won’t talk about Rocco’s wardrobe, we just won’t. Not now anyway.

Tonight was my first night back at work after 5 nights off and I was happy to  go back. I don’t necessarily love working nights at this point, it’s not been an easy transition for my family, but I do enjoy my job. I actually almost feel like I had too much time off.. kind of like how sometimes if you get too much sleep it makes you more tired. Something like that.

Now I am up way past my usual bedtime of 1-1:30am (I get home around 12:30) because I just can’t sleep. My brain is all wired. I want to do so many different things to help “get ahead” and pull in some more money.. but I can’t seem to figure out which thing I should focus on or how to manage doing even more when I already feel like I am trying to do too much. I have ideas, stuff I am good at, stuff I would love to do, it’s just putting it all together that feels like a big challenge. This website for example… um, not updated in a week. I guess my excuse can be I was on vacation since I did have a lot of time off from work… But I still could have devoted some time to it.

OK so let’s talk about New Year’s Resolutions… I kind of made some… but then I decided to start Monday instead of on January 1… making the whole “stop procrastinating” resolution an epic fail.

Eat better.. I have to. I have gained 14 pounds since moving here. Last spring/summer I started eating much healthier, did the veggie co-op thing, had smoothies every day, shared healthy recipes, cooked dinner every night… Learned how to make chicken noodle soup from scratch (didn’t perfect it though, my stock needs work)… I was down to 123 and I was doing the Wii Fit, walking, etc.

Since I’ve been here my diet has consisted of PSLs & pumpkin scones, middle of the night bowls of pasta, Panera salads no dressing – which aren’t so bad until you eat half a loaf of bread with them, and vending machine snacks.

Tonight was night 1 and I resisted the Famous Amos.

Actually I didn’t even look at the vending machine long enough to see what was sitting there trying to tempt me. I walked in, filled up my water, flipped that junk dispenser off, and walked back to the studio.

Tomorrow will be another night, but I think I can do it.

Don’t even call me out on the cake pop I got on the way to work.

Don’t even.

I had eggs and fresh cut potatoes for breakfast. A smoothie for lunch. Grilled chicken and home made sweet potato fries for dinner.

And please, anyone who wants to go on some PC tirade about “body image” – you can suck it. I have never struggled with my weight to the extent that some people do, but I feel like crap and I am no spring chicken. My good genes and metabolism are only going to outsmart the amount of absolute crap I eat for so long… I wouldn’t even dare keep a journal of what I stuff my face with on any given day because it’s downright horrific. My jeans are too tight, I feel yucky, and this is about me – not anyone else.

Just had to get that out of the way after the scathing messages I received regarding my “Leggings Are Not Pants” post a few weeks ago. Apparently, I’m an anti-feminist who believes women are to blame for being raped, because I think leggings that show your butt and vagina look disgusting.

Yes, someone went there.

And when I went to her profile, she was wearing leggings… as pants.

Anyway.

Next I need to exercise. I have always HATED exercising. I was never good at sports. I tried, but I sucked. I was always THE WORST on any team I ever tried to be a part of. So I gave up. I was a decent tap dancer, but soccer in 2nd grade, volleyball in high school, pathetic. I quit. I tried, but I was like those ridiculous people who have no talent and try to be on American Idol. A for effort, F for actual ability.

I have gone through phases where I go to the gym for a few weeks… OK a week. Maybe a week and a half. Or I do the Wii Fit and stick with it for a month… but then I fall off. And it doesn’t even make sense to me because after a few days of doing it, I feel really good. If only I could get addicted to exercising the way I am addicted to carbs and sugar. I would be fit as the fit people I look at and think “why can’t I do that?”

I know, I CAN do it. It’s just a matter of finding the motivation.

OK it’s now 2:33am and I’ve just been asked what I am doing up so I should wrap this up. Plus, I’ve shared too much.

It’s supposed to snow tomorrow. Not a lot, but I am actually kind of hoping it’s enough for Rocco to enjoy for a little while. Not that I want to go outside in the cold at all, but he might as well get some use out of the snow suit and snow boots I got for him.

The first snow is always pretty.

After that, yuck.

Thankfully it’ll hit tomorrow when I don’t have to drive in it…

Another jumbled mess of a post but I am not going to keep editing it. Now it’s 3:05am. This is ridiculous.

Make that 3:12.

I’m out.

 

 

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