MIke Myers is going to be a father! 

The guy that we learned to love as Shrek and Austin Powers is expecting his first child with his wife Kelly Tisdale.

Mike, who is 47, began dating his wife in 2006 just after his 12 year marriage to writer-actress Robin Ruzan ended.  Mike and Kelly were married in a secret ceremony last year and didn’t confirm that they were hitched until five months later – they wanted to make sure they got past the honeymoon stage.

On a more serious note.  I’m wondering what they are going to name the baby.  I think Mini Me would be proper.

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It’s official – Ashton Kutcher is going to be the other man on Two and a Half Men. 

Ashton seemed to be excited, so he released a statement (shocking I know). 

“I can’t wait to get to work with this ridiculously talented 2.5 team and I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in viewers’ homes,” Kutcher said in a statement released to Access Hollywood by CBS. “I can’t replace Charlie Sheen but I’m going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people!”

Chuck Lorre – you remember the guy that Charlie Sheen believes to be a spawn of Satan or something along those lines – is looking forward to it too.  Yes, he also released a statement.

“We are so lucky to have someone as talented, joyful and just plain remarkable as Ashton joining our family,” Chuck Lorre, “Two and a Half Men’s” creator and executive producer said of Ashton joining the show. “Added to that is the deep sigh of relief knowing that our family stays together. If I was any happier, it’d be illegal.”

On the other hand, Charlie Sheen is not too happy about all of this going on without him.  Wasn’t Two and a Half Men supposed to fail without him on it?  Wasn’t it supposed to be down a man?  Wasn’t the universe supposed to continue to revolve around Charlie Sheen being fired for being an ass?  Something tells me that no matter what the show is going to be all right at first no matter what – we all want to see how Charlie will be written out and Ashton will be written in!  I hope that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore don’t end up like Charlie Sheen and his wives!

Oh wait.  Charlie released a statement too.

“Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer,” he said. “Oh wait, so am I!!”  And there was also some advice offered for the mortal enemyof Charlie Sheen, Chuck Lorre,  to Ashton Kutcher: “Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there.”

Seriously Charlie.  Just let go and leave it be.  I don’t think many people care anymore, and by people I mean me.  Let’s just have Ashton start this thing up and roll with it so the fall will be funnier than before.

I’m going to go and release a statement now.  Wait.  I just did.

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Robert Pattinson turns 25, the question is how long has he been 25?  (It’s a Twilight reference…Yes, I am that person.)

Stevie Wonder is 61.

Stephan Colbert is 57.

Dennis Rodman is 50.

Darius Rucker is 47.

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Hayden Panettiere broke up with her beau Wladimir Klitschko after two years.

They’re both being extremely civil about their break-up…  Seems to me though that there may be other reasons?  Maybe Klitschko wore a Scream mask or something to scare her?  Who knows.

But it will be interesting, this is what they have to say:

“We had great time together but it’s not that easy to manage a relationship between two continents,” Klitschko, 35, explains. “I have a lot of respect for Hayden as a person and as a friend and I believe we’ll keep our friendship even after the separation.”

“Even though we’ve decided splitting up is best for both of us, we have an amazing amount of love and respect for each other and remain very close friends,” Panettiere told of her recent break-up.

This is WAY too nice for me.  Then again they have publicists and don’t use Facebook for revenge.

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Chris Brown is getting back to work with Justin Bieber, this is going to be interesting…

The two are filming the video for Brown’s latest single “Next 2 You” off of Brown’s F.A.M.E. album that features Bieber.  On working with the Bieber, Brown told MTV News that  ”being able to collab with [Bieber] was great. He’s a young, energetic cat, so being able to work with him, with the fanbase he has, was incredible. I know a lot of little girls are going to love this record.”

So should we now be under the assumption that Justin Bieber isn’t as difficult to work with as we assumed from his appearance on CSI?  Wait.  He’s working with Chris Brown, Bieber needs to be good or he’s going to get a buzz cut.

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Hugh Grant is weighing his options now to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men.  I guess that Hugh probably got bored in the UK and decided to come to the US and act on the small screen.

Of course nothing is being confirmed, or denied for that matter.  But it is clear that Hugh will not be paid $1 million an episode, which will save Warner Bros. and CBS a boat load of cash from Charlie Sheen’s $1 million per episode pay.

The real question in all of this is how can I make $1 million a week?  Charlie Sheen did it by being himself, Hugh Grant – well – he’s hot, but me?  I just talk and type. haha

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Wednesday Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer entered into a plea deal for her alleged theft of a $2,500 necklace.  No worries, it’s supposed to only be for 120 days – of which she will probably only serve 120 minutes, because it’s the same when converted from real time to celebrity time.  And of course she will remain on probation and complete a total 480 hours of community service.

Luckily Lindsay (I refuse to call her L.Lo) has finally realized that she needs to knock it off and there are other things going on in the world than her being dumb.  She said, “I hope to be able to fulfill my obligation without any press attention.  I think the media spotlight should be on issues such as homelessness and domestic violence instead of on me.” 

But wait, this all gets better.

There is evidence of Lindsay drinking in December while she was recieving treatment at the Betty Ford Center.  But wait, still gets better – she also tested positive for cocaine and amphetamines during a court-mandated drug test in September. 

I used to think that she was a little smart, but after finding out all of this no more. 

This is what happens to Disney stars when they grow up.

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Angelina Jolie isn’t cheating, or at least that’s what she thinks…

Angelina wouldn’t fool around with men other than Brad, therefore when she fools around with women it’s not cheating – right?  I don’t think so!!! 

As if that isn’t interesting enough, Brad has forbidden the six children that he and Angie are raising together fromr reading Femal Force: Angelina Jolie - the comic book that stars their superstar mother.  The entire comic book is about Angie’s acting career, domestic life and humanitarian activities at its center, but it also show the unconventional lifestyle via her sex-charged sexy movie roles.

I don’t like that Brad is forbidding his kids to read something, but Angelina having her kids read about how she is a sex symbol AND cheating with other women? 

GO BACK TO JEN!!!!  She was such a nice girl that didn’t cheat, even if her hair was boring sometimes.

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